i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
