i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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