Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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