everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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