I want to stick my p in your. b.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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