Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
