burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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