i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
