I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
