just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
