You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
