Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
