I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
