i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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