I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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