I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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