He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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