Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
