Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i now understand why vodka
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
