OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
