There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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