Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
