If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
