so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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