Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
