Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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