I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
