omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I cut my penus on the lid.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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