Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
