Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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