He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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