Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
