just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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