What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
