Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I need water and some morals
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
