My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
