his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We are all done wearing pants today
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
