I hate your face
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
