I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
