The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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