I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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