Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
