I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
