She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
