Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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