I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
one might say we're banned from that church
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
