ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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