Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
