Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
