This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
