Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
